The Ghost Slips Away
by OhCondensedEmily
Summary: Nny catches and kills a butterfly, and comes to a conclusion. Then, Devi reacts. Only SLIGHTLY OOC...I promise...Based on a Weezer song
1. The Ghost Slips Away

***DISCLAIMER:**   yep, usual stuff.  I do not own Jhonen Vasquez (not yet anyway…bwa-ha-ha-ha-ha!), nor do I own Devi, Nny, or Squee.  Also, I don't own Weezer or their song "Butterfly" off the "Pinkerton" CD.  God… this disclaimer stuff is depressing.  The only thing I do own is this story and that's pretty damn pathetic…oh well, ENJOY.

***Authors Note:**  NEVER EVER read JTHM comics and listen to Weezer at the same time.  This song just reminded me SO much about Nny and Devi…ok, you've been warned.  This is a little (or very) confusing because the song R/R!!! I COMMAND YOU! Ok…I'm done now.

Nny stood there surveying his surroundings.  It was an awful autumn day outside...bright and sunny and beautiful.  He held the jar tightly in his hands waiting...silently waiting.

_"Yesterday I went outside, _

_With my momma's mason jar,"_

It fluttered by, beautifully and full of grace. He held the jar high and with one quick swoop he trapped the butterfly.  If it were a knife in his hands the person beneath him would be dead in an instant.  But he wasn't planning on killing anyone today.  He quickly screwed the lid tight.  He wasn't letting this one go.

_"Caught a lovely butterfly…"_

She, as he guessed it was a girl, was beautiful.  She was mostly white with purple outlines and stripes.  If he held the jar up to the light he could even see some green spots on her wings.  Her colorings looked so familiar.  "I'm proud of you Johnny, going out and all," said Reverend MEAT.  

"Go to hell" Nny merely responded.  Nny put the butterfly, which was not flailing anymore but sighing like it was hard to breathe, on the counter and went out to get a brainfreezie.  An hour later he crawled into Squee's window to find him writing. "Hey Squeegee!" he said enthusiastically.    

"SQUEE!' was all he got as a response.  It was either out of fear or joy…Johnny didn't know, or care, which.

"I got you a brainfreezie!" he said as he handed it to Squee.  Squee took it silently and stared up at him.  "Now, can I borrow some NyQuil?  I want a _good_ sleep tonight."  Squee didn't hesitate to think about what he meant by that, nor did he delay in getting the medicine.  Johnny took it and headed back out the window for home, but not before traumatizing little Squee with a story about how brainfrezzies kill your brain cells.  Johnny returned home, took the medicine, and fell fast asleep.

_"When I woke up today, _

_Looked in on my fairy pet,"_

It was around eleven in the morning when Johnny woke.  He leaped out of bed and ran to the counter, desperately wanting to see his fairy pet.  He was like a child on Christmas morning, except minus the whole Santa thing.  That's just frightening, the thought of and old fat man coming into your house and leaving stuff for you.  He shuddered at the thought. He reached the counter and stared in horror at what he saw…

_"She had withered all away, _

_No more sighing in her breast."_

She was dead.  He had killed her.  Why had he forgotten air holes?  For a second time he felt remorse for an act he had committed.  He looked at her and began to sob.  Reverend MEAT chuckled at Nny's sadness.  "Foolish boy," he said, mockingly.  "Don't you know you can't catch a butterfly and keep it?  No wonder she died!  Who could survive in this hell? Well, other than you of course."  Nny glared in his direction.  "Glare all you want.  You know what I say is the truth.  You killed her Johnny.  A thing as beautiful and perfect could never survive around a monster like you.  You loved her Johnny…and you tried to kill her."

"I didn't try to," Nny said between sobs. "I did—" but Nny understood what Rev MEAT was really getting at.  He looked at his perfect butterfly and realized why she looked so familiar.  She WAS Devi, except he hadn't succeeded in killing her.  He sobbed some more, this time for Devi.  Rev MEAT just chuckled.

_"I'm sorry for what I did,"_

He was sorry.  He was immensely sorry.  He knew sorry wouldn't cut it.  He begged for her forgiveness on more then one occasion but it doesn't matter.  Nothing mattered except for her, and she despised him.  He thought back to that fateful day…

_"I did what my body told me to, _

_I didn't mean to do you harm"_

"Immortalize the Moment!" they had said.  Those damn doughboys, always fucking with his life.  Why had he listened to them?  He was so close to happiness and he ruined it.  His body had told him to do it, though.  Well actually his mind told him to.  He loved Devi.  He never meant her any harm.  If only she could see that.  __

_"Every time I pin down what _

_I think I want it slips away._

_The ghost slips away."_

He stood up, went outside, and unscrewed the top, letting the marvelous creature out.  It was too late, though, and he knew that.  At least she was finally free.  He headed back inside and sat on the couch, the recognizable stench of blood assaulting his nose.  He thought about Devi once more.  Reverend MEAT's words echoed through his head.  "Don't you know you can't catch a butterfly and keep it?" Nny sighed at this.  MEAT was right.  She was the one that got away.  It was better she got away.  He would of ended up killing her or she would have died in some other unfair and awful way.  He looked through a crack in his boarded up windows.  Outside he saw butterflies, similar to the one he killed.  This is the way it is meant to be.  He can observe butterflies, but he can never have them.  They are not meant to be had or kept.  They are meant to fly free, and he was meant to watch them, watch her, wishing with every fiber of his being to be with her.  He decided he would be content with this, for her safety.  All he had wanted was her, and all he would ever want would be her.  But she slipped away.  He was glad for this, but that did not stop his want for her.  All that was left was her ghost, which too slipped away. 

_"Smell you on my hands for days,_

_I can't wash away the scent,_

_If I'm a dog than you're a bitch."_

He came back the next morning after a particularly violent night of killing.  He began to wash up but his thoughts turned to the butterfly.  The butterfly's blood would not wash off, nor would the guilt he felt.  This guilt was insignificant compared to that which he felt for Devi.  He knew what he had to do.  This guilt would never end by itself.  He picked up his phone and dialed her number.  "Hello" the voice on the other end was tired and strained, cynical and annoyed.  Johnny thought it was god-like.  

"Hi Devi…th—this is Johnny"

"Oh God…Nny, please stop calling me."

"I—I—I just wanted to apologize.  I really miss you.  Please forgive me."

At this Devi laughed.  "Forgive you? I could forgive you if you lied to me, or called me a bitch, or even if you cheated on me.  But forgive you for trying to kill me??  Forgive you for being a murderous dog?  Are you insane?  Wait, stupid question.  Of course you are."  Nny felt like crying, but held it back.

"I just wanted you to know I cared." He said but she had already hung up.

_"I guess you're as real as me, _

_Maybe I can't live with that._

_Maybe I need fantasy, _

_Life of chasing butterfly"_

"Well so much for that" he said out loud to no one in particular.  She was just like him.  She was real.  She was angry, depressed, and alone.  Rev MEAT even told him that she had a voice.  A voice named Sickness.  Just the thought of this made his stomach crawl.  She shouldn't have a voice.  That would mean she was insane as him.  He preferred to think that she didn't.  

"That's lying to yourself, you know." Rev MEAT said

"It's not lying.  I live in a world of fantasy and I like it that way. I need it that way."

_"I'm sorry for what I did,_

_I did what my body told me to, _

_I didn't mean to do you harm._

_Every time I pin down what _

_I think I want it slips away._

_The ghost slips away."_

"You need fantasy?  No, Nny, you need a giant dose of reality." MEAT said with a sneer.

"Shut up" Johnny said, half to himself and half to Reverend MEAT.  He knew he was right though.  He left the room and Rev MEAT heard a nail being pounded into something…or someone.

_"I told you I would return, _

_When the robin makes his nest, _

_But I ain't never coming back."_

"If this isn't a dose of reality, I don't know what is," Johnny said in a hushed whisper.  Johnny looked through the little crack in the window.  Winter was coming soon.  It was his favorite season: cold, and dark, and bitter.  Winter was always very bitter.  He would have been with her 'till the end.  He would have loved and taken care of her.  He would have returned to her, again and again, to apologize.  This apology would never be accepted.  They both knew this; just as well as they knew the robin makes it's nest each spring.  He knew it made no difference, and that's why he was never coming back.  Never. Never. Never.

_"I'm sorry, _

_I'm sorry,_

_I'm sorry."_

"I'm sorry Devi.  I'm sorry.  I'm sorry. I'm sorry." Those were Johnny's last thoughts before he kicked the chair away.

*** Authors Note:  **Phew! That's done! It was WAY longer than I planed on it being, but I'm satisfied. I hope you like it as much as I loved writing it! R/R!!


	2. Slide

**Disclaimer:** Yet again, I am completely devoid of all ownership.  Alas, I am not Dido OR Devi……ooooh!  They both start with D's and are four letters…..hmmm…..must look into this so-called coincidence… ::mutters something about conspiracies::

**Authors Note:**  Wow…I am really beating a dead horse….and than making some dead-horse stew.  I HIGHLY recommend reading the first chapter as it will help you understand this much much better.  But you already knew this, my dear literate friends.  Both are set before the "I give you my nothing" call.  This is basically the same story as "the Ghost Slips Away", but it's Devi's point of view.  I apologize how horrendously OOC Devi is.  I feel like a terrible fan making her all, well, you'll see.  Please forgive me, and than kindly review.  But flames are accepted, as I am ashamed of her OOC-ness.  Review though!  I feed off them like brains!  

_"Even on a day like this _

_When you're crawling on the floor,"_

Devi sat alone in her apartment. Alone. Always alone. Well except for Tenna and that god damn squeaky toy. They were gone too, though. Out clubbing or something. She didn't know, and didn't much care. Who would want to be around a miserable bitch like her? She sat at her easel and stared. Her creativity has been spiraling down, along with her self-esteem, since… well she couldn't really remember when she was last creative. Her downward spiral probably started after she was nearly killed by a homicidal maniac. Nearly killed by a homicidal maniac that she actually liked. "God, my life's very fucked up," she said as she stared, mindlessly, and began to swirl the paint around creating a color red as blood. She was trying to create the feeling that lobotomy patients felt when they dream.  At least she had a start.  The last halfway good painting she did was Sickness… Sickness. She had beaten her, right? All that was left were the screws, her eyes, right? "Right" she answered herself. This day had been one of the worst. She had awful nightmares the night before. Nightmares of Johnny. Being chased. Being stalked. Being murdered. She barely got two hours of sleep. That's probably why she was fired from her job today. Or yesterday, since it was three AM right now. Joy, two sleepless nights in a row. She could hardly walk from exhaustion. Some guy at the bookstore sexually harassed her yesterday, but the mace took care of that. . "Why am I getting fired, is it bad to mace your customers?" she asked herself sarcastically.  Not to mention that damn squeaky toy. At least Tenna took it away from her. Now she could try to paint, yet she couldn't bring herself to do anything. "Ah, the joys of severe depression" she muttered.  She felt like simply lying on the floor.

_"Reaching for the phone to ring, _

_Anyone who knows you anymore." _

She looked at her phone. No messages. Yeah, she felt loved. "I wonder where Tenna is," she mumbled to herself as she reached for the phone. At least she had one friend in the world. Even if it was an over-optimistic lunatic with a squeaky-toy fetish. As she grabbed the phone, it began to ring. "Okay, that's only slightly bizarre. Who would be calling me at three AM?" she said to herself. Devi answered the phone. "Hello?" her voice was tired and strained, cynical and annoyed. 

"Hi Devi…th—this is Johnny" His voice sounded very depressed. Almost like he was going to burst into tears at any moment.

"Oh God…Nny, please stop calling me." She said.  Anger was the main tone of her voice, though there was a hint of panic, along with a very odd inflection indeed—sympathy.  That little hint of pity was soon put away, however.  

"I—I—I just wanted to apologize. I really miss you. Please forgive me." His apology was sincere, but Devi didn't care. In fact, she laughed.

"Forgive you? I could forgive you if you lied to me, or called me a bitch, or even if you cheated on me. But forgive you for trying to kill me?? Forgive you for being a murderous dog? Are you insane? Wait, stupid question. Of course you are." Then she hung up. She, herself, felt nauseous.  She hadn't intended to be that cruel to him. But he had deserved it.

_"It's alright to make mistakes,_

_You're only human, _

_Inside everybody's hiding something."_

She felt pretty bad for the things she said.  At this point, they were involuntary.  She became a total paranoid bitch at the mere mention of him.  It was a snap judgment, a mistake. She was only human, though, and that is how a human would respond. That didn't stop her feeling regretful, though. Tenna had told her many times to give him another chance. Maybe she would. She would call him in the morning and talk to him. Although she would never speak it out loud, she missed him too. Not the killing part, but the long conversations at the bookstore part.  Plus, a telephone is safe.  He couldn't kill her, and she could interact with the part she had remembered, the part that she enjoyed being with.  She would never say this, though.  Everybody's hiding something.  

_"Staring at the same four walls, _

_Have you tried to help yourself?"_

Devi stared at the same four walls and thought about her life. Her oh-so-grand life. She always complained about it, but never took action. She was keeping herself in this perpetual state of ennui.  She never once talked to someone about her problems.  Granted, there were few that would believe her.  Tenna?  "Well, the least I can do is go out with here sometime.  Its not necessarily therapeutic but…forgetting things would be a plus…" Her emphasis was on the "things". She had far too many things that she wanted to forget.

_"The rings around your eyes, they don't hide, _

_That you need to get some rest."_

Devi slowly walked into the bathroom. She looked in the mirror. "God, I really need that thing called rest." What stared back at her was a ghost of her formal self. Pale. Hair disheveled. Dark blackish rings around her now-dull green eyes.  Devi sighed, washed her face, and took some sleeping pills. She headed to bed and prayed that she could sleep.

_"It's alright to make mistakes,_

_You're only human,_

_Inside everybody's hiding something,_

_Take time to catch a breath and choose your moment._

_Don't slide."_

Devi ran down the dark alleyway. She slid past a trashcan. There seemed to be no escape, except a large ladder. She began to climb, fretfully, and reached the top. She looked down and her pursuer continued to follow her. The dark figure climbed the ladder and she decided what she had to do. He, as she realized it was Johnny, was near the top. She took out a saw from her pocket and began sawing the ladder at a feverish pace. Right as he was about to reach the top, the ladder fell. She looked down to see his body splattered on the ground. Alongside him was a bouquet of dark crimson roses crushed and broken by the fall. Devi stared down, dumfounded.  She began to weep, and she wasn't really sure why.  Devi heard a familiar voice say, "Congratulations Devi, you killed him". She pivoted to the direction of the voice to see Sickness, alive and well. Devi gasped as she woke in a cold sweat.

_"Even at a time like this, _

_When the morning seems so far."_

She was still sobbing and her skin was cold and clammy. She looked at the clock; four-thirty AM. "Damn, why can't the morning come yet?" She said, somewhat with trembling breath. It seemed so far away. She got up, knowing that sleep would not return, and began to pace around her apartment.

_"Think the pain belongs to you, _

_But it's happened to us all."_

"Why me!?" Devi screamed to no one in particular. She probably woke up the entire apartment building. The psychic fat lady downstairs grumbled.  Not that she particularly cared….  Why was it only her that talked to inanimate objects? Why did this…thing…control her? Why was it that she hasn't had a good date in forever? Why was the last person she was attracted to the man who tried to shish-ka-bob her? Why did the pain belong to her, and only her?

"It doesn't belong only to you," Sickness said.

"I hate you!" Devi said as she rummaged through her drawer. Eventually she found it. It was a Ziploc baggy with two screws in it. She threw the bag across the length of her apartment.

"Everyone has pain, Devi."  Obviously the screw toss-age didn't shut her up.

"No…just leave me alone! Please." Devi begged.

"Johnny has a voice, too. Johnny actually has many voices. You could be like him, Devi. You could kill. Kill."

"No…I beat you. I won. Go away." Devi whispered.

"Johnny has a neighbor, Todd. He has a voice, of sorts, too. I bet you didn't know that."

"Go…just—just go."

"Your not the only one who feels pain. It's happened to us all."

_"It's alright to make mistakes,_

_You're only human,_

_Inside everybody's hiding something,_

_Take time to catch a breath and choose your moment._

_Don't slide."_

Finally, the morning came. The sun rose, not the wiser to the lives below him.  Sickness eventually became silent, though her words echoed through Devi's mind. Around nine AM Devi called Tenna. "Hey Tenna, it's me."

"Oh Devi! Hi! *squeak* Spooky says 'hi' too!"

"Yeah…okay. Anyway…I'm giving Johnny a second chance."

"Who?  Oh!  Psycho knife man!"

"That's very helpful"

"I know!  I'm proud of you! What's that Spooky? Ok…Spooky says 'good for you'!"

"Okay…. um…thanks. I have to go bomb that accursed manufacturing plant that made 'Spooky'."

"She doesn't mean it, Spooky"

"Thanks Tenna, I have to go now."

"Ok, call us when you're done!"

And they both hung up. Devi picked up the phone and stared at it in her hands. Was she really ready to accept him back into her life? "No time like today" she said as she dialed his number. She waited for three minutes. No answer. "I have no life.  I'll go visit him!". With that she packed up her mace and left the apartment. In fifteen minutes she reached his house, dilapidated number 777. She walked up to the door, the stench of old blood and rotting bodies assaulting her nose, and knocked. When her hand hit the door it opened, only slightly ajar. She pushed it farther and entered, mace in hand. She looked around for him. "Johnny?" she called softly. She turned and entered his living room. What she saw made her gape.  The mace slipped from her skeletal hands and hit the floor with a loud bang.  

_"You brought this on yourself,_

_And it's high time you left it there,_

_Lie here and rest your head, _

_Dream of something else instead."_

The chair lay on the floor, sideways, as if kicked over. The noose was very crudely hammered to the ceiling. And there hung Johnny.  Devi grimaced at the sight.  On the floor next to the chair was a little piece of paper that said: _"I'm sorry for what I did, I did what my body told me to, I didn't mean to do you harm. Every time I pin down what I think I want it slips away. The ghost slips away. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry."_ The paper was tear stained and hastily written. Devi held it close to her heart. She began to cry. It was either due to the general morbidity of the scene, or the notion she had that it was partly her fault.  She didn't want Nny to kill himself. She had hated him, but she never wanted this to happen. Never. It was because of her. Just like in her dream. She had killed him. She had brought it on herself.  The cruelty she exuded on the phone?  No wonder he had committed suicide. She sat on the floor, despite the bloodstains, and sobbed. "I am so sorry Nny, I am so sorry.  I didn't mean what I said. I miss you too, kinda.  I'm sorry. I'm sorry." Devi's two sleepless nights were starting to get to her. She fainted, passed out from exhaustion, right there on the floor beneath the lifeless killer. She dreamt of something else that morning. For once, Devi did not have a nightmare.

Down in hell Senor Diablo scolded Johnny.  

"Second time Johnny. You know you can't die, why do you bother? You'll just keep going bald!  And I'm POSTITIVE that bullet wounds and neck breakings are not a pleasant experience.  So why?"

"I—I don't know." And he really didn't.

"If you really want to die, I can let you, you know."

"What? B—but how?" His face turned to look at Senor Diablo.  There was a hint of hope in his voice.

"There are many more potential flushers. Todd Cassil, for example.  He'd make a fine substitute"

"No! Don't touch Squee…he has enough to deal with.  He doesn't need this!"

"Okay then…how about…Devi?"

"No. I would rather die a thousand deaths then bring her into this."

"Even if she hated you?"

"I'm used to that by now…" 

Senor Diablo waved his hand and a large demonic looking mirror appeared. Both were amazed by what they saw. Devi, her face streaked with tears, was lying on Johnny's floor sound asleep!  Was she crying for _him_?  He didn't have time to ponder this.  

"Ready to go back then, kid?"

**Authors Note:**  Ah, we have reached the end of this fun-wow literacy voyage.  I really hope you like it……..::sighs:: 


End file.
